Date:	Sunday, May 05, 2002
Time In:	12:29am (00:29)
Mood:	upset
Entry:	I feel so unwanted. My family went out for Cinco de Mayo and left me sitting at home. When they came home they didn't bring me anything but they brought their leftovers so I could see what they had, kinda like rubbing salt into a wound. I seriously think if they thought they could get away with it they would lock me in the basement so that no one could see me. I feel unwanted, unloved, and alone. I really do think they would rather I not live at all. Maybe that is a good idea....
Music, TV, etc:	"Don't Say a Word" - PPV
Time Out:	12:42am (00:42)

Date:	Sunday, May 05, 2002
Time In:	7:41pm (19:41)
Mood:	blah
Entry:	I'm not really sure what to type today, I am feeling so blah and out there. I wouldn't call it depressed per say, I guess I'm just kinda here. I played Wild Arms for a bit but lost intrest, watched tv but lost intrest, tried to sleep but couldn't so I figured I'd try to write something here. I guess I'm gonna try to organize my files some more.
Music, TV, etc:	not sure ~sighs~
Time Out:	7:45pm (19:45)

Date:	Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Time In:	2:50am (02:50)
Mood:	worried
Entry:	Well, I went to the doctor today (yesterday, whatever) and found out that they can help me, but there are major risks. If I choose to go through with it I will be in for 2 opperations, a couple months apart. The first would be the most risky one. She told me it is very likely that the wounds won't heal propperly so there will be a lot of major wound care afterwards. On top of that there is the risk of clotting and trouble with anestisia. I am starting to wonder if I want to go through with this. I am scared shitless quite honestly. There is also the fact that the surgery may not solve anything in the long run. ~sighs~ I wish I knew what to do....
Music, TV, etc:	"Three's Company" - Nick at Nite
Time Out:	2:58am (02:58)

Date:	Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Time In:	9:05pm (21:05)
Mood:	happy
Entry:	I was pleasently suprised today. When I woke up mom asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with them today. Nick and Dennise had gone downtown for the day before I woke up so I was resigned to sitting alone all day. We were gonna go out and get icecream after dinner but we were sooooo stuffed, I even had to bring half of my meal home. It was just a really nice day, I finally felt wanted. We talked about doing it again maybe this weekend, but just going for desert and margarita's coz we wanted to try their deserts. Dad was even semi-talkatve today which was odd.
Music, TV, etc:	"Mazes and Labyrinths: Ancient Puzzles" - TLC
Time Out:	9:11pm (21:11)

Date:	Wednesday, May 08, 2002
Time In:	10:52pm (22:52)
Mood:	tired
Entry:	I don't know why but I am so tired today. Last night I was only able to sleep about an hout at a time and then I would wake up for a moment. I know if I try to go to bed now, no mater how tired, I will have the same partial sleep. I have tried to tell my doctor about days like this but she still wouldn't give me anything for it. Well, maybe tommorow I will have internet access, if only for an hour a day. :-) Anyway, I guess I'm gonna try to get what sleep I can or play my game.
Music, TV, etc:	"History's Mysteries" - History Channel
Time Out:	10:58pm (22:58)

Date:	Friday, May 10, 2002
Time In:	1:36am (01:36)
Mood:	cheerful
Entry:	I finally got net connection today. The only problem is that I don't have my own phone line yet so I am still at very limited access, but at least I can get things taken care of. :-) I am very happy about this though, finally being able to catch up on some things.
Music, TV, etc:	"Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill" - HBO
Time Out:	1:40am (0140)

Date:	Friday, May 10, 2002
Time In:	8:51pm (20:51)
Mood:	cafinated
Entry:	Well, I got in my Starbucks Encore welcome pack today and this is some good coffee. I'm gonna try to arrange it to where I get a different roast each month so I can try them all. :-)
Music, TV, etc:	Joe Dirt - HBO
Time Out:	9:02pm (21:02)